


A whole new life

by Cadoan



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Character Study, First Kiss, Fluff, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-22
Updated: 2015-12-22
Packaged: 2018-05-08 07:39:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,540
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5489081
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Cadoan/pseuds/Cadoan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Poe Dameron was like no one he had ever met before. He'd given him his name, and shown him a whole new world. He had Poe Dameron to thank for everything.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A whole new life

**Author's Note:**

> I watched the movie on release day and I am now so deep into Stormpilot that there is no way out, and I am fine with it.

It was new, this thing. Being an… _individual_. It was new and scary. Finn - he was still getting used to having a name - didn't really know how to apprach all of these new things he was experiencing. The life of a stormtrooper was everything and anything he'd ever known, and suddenly he found himself with… this. He didn't know how to describe it.

He figured that if you were cynical, you could say that fighting for the First Order and fighting for the resistance wasn't really that different. Both sides caused a lot of death and suffering for the other side, and civilians and innocents died regardless who did the shooting. Sometimes, Finn found himself thinking about all the families he'd caused to lose people they cared about. Did those families really care which side had fired their the laser, phaser or missile that had taken their lives? Finn wasn't sure. Sometimes he'd think about that, and feel so insecure about everything. But then, Poe would look at him and wonder what he was thinking, and he'd be pulled back to reality. Poe would smile his rogueish grin and drag his hand trought his dark curls and Finn's thoughts would instantly become lighter and easier. Actually, when Finn thought about it, there was one impossibly huge difference between fighting for First Order and the restictance, and that was passion. Believing in the fight. Throughout his whole life, he had never really believed in anything, not even the First Order. They didn't really care what their stormtroopers believed as long as they followed every order to a T. He'd only known his number, FN-2187, and what was expected of him. Most of the times he hadn't even known why he he was doing something, or what the use of the order he was following was. Many times he hadn't even known what planet or star system he was in. He hadn't believed in the First Order, because First Order never believed in him. Still, he'd gone on for so many years, carrying out the orders of Captain Phasma, or whomever else the order was coming from. Why? He'd never known anything else.

The whole mission to Jakku had felt wrong to begin with. They had been told they were looking for something, but they hadn't been told what, and he had marched on, just as he had for his whole life. It hadn't sounded too horrible of an order. In and out, and hopefully back to base quickly. Something about this particular time was different, however. They met instant and violent resistance, and a fellow trooper died in his arms. When they were ordered to kill, no, _slaughter_ , the whole town, something had snapped inside of him. He didn't want to do this anymore. For the first time in his life, he had resisted a direct order.

Then, Poe Dameron stormed into his life. Poe was the first person ever, the first person in his whole life, to not look past him. He didn't just see another stormtrooper, another part of the huge machine, a piece that was easily replacable. Poe hadn't looked at him with indifference, a look he was so used to getting from his superiors in First Order. Poe hadn't looked at him with disgust or fear, emotions he was used to seeing in civilians' faces when they looked at him. No, Poe had looked at him and seemed to see _him_. Poe had looked at him with wide eyes and slightly open mouth, shock evident on his face, and asked him why Finn was helping him. Poe had seemed to trust him from the first moment they met, and Finn had never experienced anything like it.

Poe was all energy and freedom and rogueish smiles, and Finn admired that so much about him. Poe was the one who showed him the difference from being a piece of the machine that was the First Order and instead being a part of the resistance, a group that he had been brought up to view as anarchists and terrorists who threatened the one thing the universe needed: order and discipline. Poe was passionate about everything he did and no one was forcing him to fight for the resistance. The resistance was a rag tag group of people from all over, but they were united because they wanted one thing: freedom. Freedom to live the way they wanted, and freedom from the reign of terror that FN-2187 had spent his life to enforce. Poe hadn't cared about any of that. He had never accused him for being a coward - not for being a stormtrooper and not for deserting. He had never called him a traitor, and he had never called him turncoat. He, and the resistance, had welcomed him with open arms, and Finn often found himself overwhelmed by the… he didn't know which word to use to describe it. Support? Comradeship? Friendship? ...Love?

Poe Dameron had given him so many new things.

His name. He found himself saying it to himself when he was alone, trying it out. Finn. In the start, he had forgotten to respond to it, simply because he wasn't used to it. When that happened, Poe would snap his fingers in front of Finn's face, smile causing wrinkles at the corners of his eyes. And Finn would always, always, smile back. Somewhere along the line he started to pretend not to respond to his name, just to hear Poe say it more. It sounded so fantastic when the pilot said it, with that voice that was was bit less deep than his own. F-I-N-N. He never wanted Poe to stop saying it, because he loved the warm feeling that spread in his chest when he said it.

His jacket. Finn still thought of it as Poe's jacket, a loan until further notice, and he felt at ease when he was wearing it. It was like carrying a small piece of the pilot with him, and it was comforting. Finn realized that it had since long stopped smelling like the older man, but he could swear that he still could smell him when he lifted the jacket to his face. Like fuel, grease, soap and a faint hint of sweat. It was the first thing anyone had ever had given to him, his first own possession. He'd tried to give it back sometime after he had woken up from his coma, but Poe had just grinned, hugged him long and hard, and told him to keep it. _I wasn't kidding when I told you to keep it, Finn._

His first kiss. They had been sitting on a field close to the resistance base, looking up into the sky. The stars had twinkled and Finn had felt…free. They had been talking, but Finn couldn't at all remember about what. He'd wanted to be close to Poe, closer than they had been. They had been sitting there for hours, and Finn had tried to desperatly build up the courage to do… something. Anything. He had been nervous, the most nervous he had ever felt in his whole life, because he hadn't know what to do. He had been silently staring at Poe's profile, admiring the man. He had looked so free, so happy. Finn had shifted and silently, carefully, placed his fingers on top of Poe's. That had made the man turn his head to look at Finn, halfway into a sentence. The words had died on Poe's lips and the man's eyes had widened, dark orbs open and questioning. He had looked down on their hands for a second, only to quickly snap his gaze back up to meet with Finn's again. Finn had held his breath without knowing why. When Poe had drawn a shaky breath and moved his gaze to Finn's lips, Finn's whole body had ached. _Nervous._ Then, the whole world seemed to come to a stop and the pilot had leaned in and pressed his lips against Finn's. Finn had never felt anything like it. It had felt like electricity moved throughout his veins, setting his body on fire. His chest had ached and he wanted, _needed_ , more. He had pushed into Poe, and the older man had hummed and put his hand behind Finn's neck, drawing him close. Poe's lipsm had been a bit chapped against his, but they felt absolutely perfect. He had tentatively opened his lips slightly, inviting the other man in, and when he felt Poe's tongue against his own he felt like his chest would explode.

They'd broken apart panting, and the hand behind his neck had disappeared. Finn had touched his fingers to his lips and Poe had thrown his head back and laughed his snort-laugh.  
"Wow, Finn. You are amazing, you know that?" Poe's eyes had been shining, and Finn was struck with one single thought: _beautiful. This man is beautiful._  
Poe had put his arms around Finn's neck and pulled him in for another kiss, and this one had made him see stars.

Poe Dameron was like no one he had ever met before. He'd given him his name, and shown him a whole new world. He had Poe Dameron to thank for everything.


End file.
